Thursday night -- I'm headed to my 22-year high school reunion tomorrow. Spring Creek Community, the therapeutic boarding school I graduated from in 1985, was located about 17 miles from Thompson Falls, Montana. A different school is there now, so we're having our all-class reunion at a camp on Flathead Lake. From what I've heard, about 25 of us will be in attendance. Our former headmasters will be there, and at least two staff members.
It's everyone's worst nightmare, isn't it, to show up at their high school reunion weighing approximately double what they did when they graduated? I've been thinking about this a lot lately, but I have to say, it doesn't really bother me as much as you might think. Our school wasn't that kind of school.
There were only 40 or so of us at any given time, and we were more family than social contenders. We saw each other at our best and our worst. We knew each others' secrets. We knew that although some might be better-looking or wealthier than us, inside they were just as vulnerable as we were.
So I'm not very worried about what others will think of me. (Although I am a little worried they won't recognize me.) I'm more concerned with myself, with my progress since I was sent to Spring Creek in 1983. Have I become all that I'd hoped? I'm here -- that's an accomplishment in itself. Still kicking, still fighting the good fight. I never dreamed I'd get a master's degree, let alone a bachelor's degree. I never imagined myself becoming a competent professional. I never thought I'd gain so much self-knowledge and understanding.
But I also never imagined I'd still be single at age 39. I always thought I'd be married and have a child by the time I was 28 or so. Now I wonder if I ever will. I didn't think I'd still be struggling with so many of the same issues that sent me to Spring Creek. In that time of turmoil and dawning awareness, I committed myself to personal growth -- to life, lived consciously -- but I never thought change would be so slow in coming.
When you are a teenager, you think your real life will happen one day -- you will turn 18 or 21 or 30 and you'll finally have it all figured out. Now I know that life isn't like that. Now I know that life is a process, a constant transformation, like a butterfly, until the very end.
8 Comments:
I remember the age where I thought 30 was soooooo old. Surely people who were 30 had life all figured out, there were no more questions, no more worries.
Then I remember turning 30 and thinking about how I should have my life all figured out. Ok, well at 30 my life was kind of figured out - for a while.
At 37 I am understanding how much I don't have figured out and appreciative of every opportunity to learn just a little more.
The journey is both exhilarating and exhausting at times isn't it?
Hope your reunion was fabulous and that seeing old friends brought back happy memories.
(by the way, you look adorable all cutified for the fair).
Have good days!
Is it too personal to ask why you were sent to Spring Creek?
What???
You spent the weekend on the Flathead and my phone didn't ring once???
Next time, that weekend after July 4 2009, call and we can stir up some trouble when you are done.
heart you, granny
Rachel: Exhilarating and exhausting -- yes, that's exactly it.
Rebecca: Typical teenage rebellion stuff -- sex, drugs and punk rock. :-)
Granny: Sorry, it was a busy weekend!
I'm feeling pretty emotionally and physically fried right now, actually.
patia, everytime i have stopped by your blog in the past year+ or so ... I have liked what I read and saw. But now after reading this post I really like how you write, what you write and how you thing, girl! and quinoa -- that's good grain. I'm with you on that one too. sorry i'm not capable of writing some profound comment right now -- too tired. sounds like we are both tired. get some sleep! that's where i'm heading right now.
but before i do i just want to say I really admire you. I am curious how the reunion went for you ... hope you'll post more about that.
Maureen: Thank you. It's nice to know my type of writing is appreciated -- I tend toward the reflective but often wonder if it's too morose. I do try to stick in some whimsy (e.g., quinoa) for good measure, though.
Rebecca: In re-reading my post, I guess I should clarify that I'm not still struggling with "sex, drugs and punk rock." It's more self-esteem and self-worth that I still do battle with, especially as they relate to weight and relationships.
Patia - I really love your blog. Sometimes you can put into words what has been knocking around in my mind and I really appreciate your thoughts and observations. Just wanted to thank you.
Thanks, whoever you are!
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