I haven't posted in almost a week! Did anyone notice?I didn't think so ....
Have you seen the T-shirt that says, "I publish intimate details of my life on the Internet, and I don't know why"? I want one.
Some big changes have been taking place in my life lately, and for some reason, I haven't felt overwhelmingly compelled to broadcast them on my blog. Until now, I guess.
I jokingly referred to my midlife crisis a few posts ago, in which I confessed my purchase of every Northern Exposure episode ever made.
I turned 40 on Sunday. Forty! How can this be? Although I've been preparing for it for more than a year, it still came as a shock. Kind of traumatic, actually. I don't see how I can be 40. I feel, maybe, about 30. And how can I possibly be 40 when I don't have a husband, a child or the perfect home? It's kind of like that saying: "I still have checks -- how can I be out of money?"
I'll spare you the details of the big ol' pity party I threw myself on the actual day. Suffice it to say that, while I was dreaming of breakfast in bed served up by some stud muffin, what I actually woke to was my cat puking in my bedroom. The day pretty much went downhill from there.
The one thing buoying my spirits through all this is my REAL midlife crisis -- although I prefer to think of it as an opportunity.
I'm quitting my job.
Yep. After a little over 10 years as a writer, editor and Web content manager at UM, I gave notice the Friday before last. I'm going to cash in my retirement account and use it to finance my first year of getting started as a writer. My last day is Jan. 4.
Since getting my MFA last May, I'd felt increasingly stuck and depressed -- unsure of which path to follow, what direction to take. I halfheartedly sent out a few resumes -- about three -- and just could not talk myself into the perfectly rational choice of moving out of state for a better-paying job. I couldn't work up any enthusiasm for it.
Although my current job isn't bad as far as jobs go, it doesn't pay enough to support my student loan payments (or the house I'd like to buy). Nor am I likely to find another job in the state that will pay enough. (That's a pretty common dilemma, by the way, for Montana students.) And besides, it's just not where I see myself in another 10 years.
I finally got into therapy -- I'm not ashamed to admit it -- and after a few angst-filled sessions, it became crystal-clear to me that the only thing I really wanted to do was work at home (with occasional travel) as a writer and editor. This is the path I've been on for the past 20 years. This is why I got my degrees in journalism and creative writing-nonfiction. I need to be a writer!
At exactly that same time, I remembered the nice chunk of change that's been building up in my UM retirement account. I did my research, and after taxes, penalties and health insurance, I'll have just enough to live on for a year.
It's a big, scary move -- a gamble, to be sure -- but it feels right. I'm going to finish my book, freelance articles for magazines, and do whatever editing and web content work comes along to fill in the gaps.
If I don't do it now, I never will.
I'm bustin' a move!
22 Comments:
Congrats on the big move! I miss the days of being a creative writing major, i have no doubt that you'll do well.
btw i did notice.
Thanks, Nick. I didn't know you were a creative writing major! That's so cool.
My daughter turned 40 this year and it was angst filled for her too. I thought she was overreacting but I guess it is in the nature of the age. I really don't remember 40 but then my life was filled with children, a new career and a new relationship (of the domestic kind). I don't think you can compare exactly the life of the inevitable I have lived to the life of the unknown that you and my children face. I do think your life takes more bravery.
I applaud your decision to quit your job and move on. A brave thing to do. I did a similar thing at about 35. I quit a job and went back to school but I had the help of a good man to make it work. Consequently, it didn't take as much bravery. However, It was a good thing and I hope that this change will be a good thing for you, too.
BTW, I did notice that you were among the missing...glad you are back.
You could always move to Texas. Lots of jobs for writers and web designers - some pay decent money!! Plus housing is cheap is Dallas Fort Worth. For less than $150,000, you can find a nice 2000 sq foot home within driving distance of DFW. $250K buys you a McMansion (over 3000 sq ft) or a house closer into the city.
But disadvantage - no snow here (or none that really counts for much).
Plus our company (Irving, Texas - next to DFW airport) is looking for a tech writer. http://www.efjohnson.com/CareerDetail.asp?JobID=680
If you want more info, email me at pvanhook@gmail.com
I could find out more on salary ranges and put in a good word for you (if you want the money side to buy that house). Writing freelance is good, but it's nice to have a stable income (and benefits) until you make enough money to support your writing habit.
Plus there are many nice guys (and some not so nice guys) in Dallas :) If you're willing to drive about 30 minutes a day to work, you can live in the country (no mountains) and work in the city for $$. Our company is nice size (about 300) across the country. Some of tech writing can be done from home and some nice single engineer types here at work...
Pam Van Hook
Happy Birthday!
I'm glad to see you took this big move. I think it's the right thing for you right now. Here's to a bright 2008!
Good luck!
Good for you girl. That is a very bold move and I'm wishing you all the best.
Oh, and I noticed too - you've been missed.
WOW!! That's big news. Good for you!! You are amazingly brave. If we don't enjoy life now when will we. It's funny I justed posted about not feeling my age either.
I admire your courage, but the University is losing it's best employee.
And that's what you call Ovarian Fortitude! :D
Happy Birthday, by the way.
I noticed your absence as well - glad you're back!
I think your new life plan is amazing! Too few people pursue their dreams - it's inspiring to see someone pluck up the courage and actually do it.
Oh, and I'll be first in line for that book. :)
Yes, I did notice.
And HAPPY BIRTHDAY. The 40's are really much better than you think.
And CONGRATULATIONS on finding your new path.
Watch out world, Patia is here!
(It's me, nancy, who Blogger often hates.)
Wow, you guys DID notice! You DO care!! Thank you all for reading and commenting.
Linda: I think the worst of it is knowing that my body clock is running out while I still have so much left to do! But I guess that's the human dilemma, isn't it?
Pam: That's so kind of you to tell me about the opening! I've never thought of myself as a Texas kind of person (although I did enjoy San Antonio on my one pass through the state), but I will file it away in my brain for future reference. For the next year, though, I'm going to focus on my writing. I've made my decision and I'm stickin' to it! :-)
Jennifer: I saw your post and have been saving it to read and comment on .... I've been busy playing catch-up at work the past two days. And it's very sweet of you to say so.
Thanks again, all of you, for the comments and support. It means the world to me. I am amazed at how supportive people have been as I prepare to make this giant leap into the unknown.
Patia, there's something about these 'milestone' birthdays that always sucks. Turning 30 was the worst for me, even though there were lots of celebrations. I had never thought it would happen. By 40 I was sort of reconciled to it, and spent the day at home crying and eating potato chips. When it came time to turn 50, I got smart and didn't tell anyone it was happening, took a couple of friends out to dinner, and had a MUCH better time than I did waiting for others to organize things for me. Besides, if you don't make a fuss about these milestone birthdays you can continue to just look coy when people guess your age and shave several years off it. ;)
Congratulations to you on quitting your job and making the leap of faith. You're a great writer, and there is no doubt in my mind that you will not only survive, but thrive.
Dunno about you, but 2007 has not been a great year. Here's to all the best in 2008 and great success on the self employment front. It is definitely the way to go.
Much love,
Ruth
Way to go Patia. It's a very big move, but it seems like the stars are aligned. I think you are an excellent writer.
I just turned 50, and I'd quit everything in a minute--if....
Oh, I'm a punk.
Good luck!
RM
PS: It seems Blogger only lets me comment under my old nom de blogge, which I had hoped I never used.
Way to go, Patia! I have no doubt you'll be successful.
Nancy: I always think you're exaggerating about Blogger, but then I realized that it hadn't published your comment when I first told it to. Sorry about that. :-)
Ruth: Thank you for sharing -- it's nice to know I'm not the only one who stayed home and felt sorry for myself on my 40th. I used to be evasive about my age -- for several years after I turned 30, I would say I was "29 and holding." But somewhere in my mid-thirties, I realized there wasn't really any point in lying. And it's also kind of anti-feminist, I think. I yam what I yam. Even if I wish I weren't.
Rick: Thank you. Coming from you, that means a lot.
I feel I should apologize to all those women here who are over 40. I don't mean to insult any of you -- you all are FABULOUS! And I should embrace my fabulousness, as well.
I was thinking recently that perhaps the reason we don't always feel our ages is because we contain all the ages we have ever been.
And Barb, thank you, too. Your encouragement also means a lot.
Sorry this is so late, but happy belated and congratulations on the big step, quitting your job.
Heather
I think that's fabulous. And brave. Only good can come out of fabulous and brave!
Thank you both. All the encouraging words mean the world to me.
Congratulations on your decision to 'bust a move'!
I'm thirty-nine. Forty comes next year, and I'm so excited, I can barely stand it. I'm already saying "I'm almost 40". See, I always had the feeling that I'd be at my best in my 40's. I hope I fulfill that prophecy. Looks like you're going to. :)
Thanks, Cat! Congrats on your good attitude. I've also always thought I'd have a second childhood in my 40s. (A happy one, this time.)
As for turning 40, I'm just glad I NEVER HAVE TO DO IT AGAIN.
:-)
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