Patia Stephens, Missoula, Montana

A Drivel Runs Through It

Sunday, April 30, 2006

Sunday Snapshot: Spring
The cats didn't come in when I called late last night. I wasn't surprised -- yesterday was the warmest day of the year so far. They waited until dawn broke drizzly and cool, and then Luna woke me by clawing her way up the window screen nearest my bed. Both kitties came running when I opened the door, all wet paws and hungry bellies. Now they sleep the afternoon away -- Luna in one of the sheepskin-lined baskets, Tango at the foot of my down-comforter-covered bed.
~

I'll have to switch the comforter for a lighter bedspread soon. Today is gray and cool-ish, but yesterday was hot -- hot like summer. Hot enough that I drew the blinds and removed the storm window from the screen door. Last night I went to a thesis reading by two of my immensely talented classmates. Everywhere I looked, I saw sunburned people.
~

On my way down the driveway to the reading, I witnessed a most unusual sight: a great blue heron perched atop the gate, sillhouetted against the hazy, late-afternoon sky. And me with my camera left at home. I can't imagine why it stopped here; there's no water nearby to speak of.
~

I've been watching the starlings mating and nesting outside my big window. They gather up bundles of twigs and grasses in their beaks, then fly them up under the eaves of the old chicken coop. It's a regular starling apartment complex.
~

Something has moved in under the chicken coop as well. I discovered a big mound of freshly excavated dirt a few days ago. I don't know what it is -- rabbit? Skunk? Badger? Fox? I wish I knew more about denning creatures.
~

I've been seeing and hearing the northern flickers out and about, too, but am surprised and grateful that they haven't yet discovered my stovepipe this spring. Knock wood. (Ahem.)
~



Friday, April 28, 2006

Man, do I feel dumb ... and relieved
While waiting for class to start today, I said to a couple classmates: "Is everyone else as freaked out as I am by the prospect of writing a 25-page paper this weekend?"

They looked at me like I was crazy.

One spoke: "That's not due till week after next. The 10th."

What?! I've been a zombie on the verge of a panic attack for the past day and a half, for nothing?!

I think that because my poetry final is due next week, I got confused and assumed my cultural studies final was due as well.

Whew! Now I'm actually ahead of the game!


Finals
Must. Stay. Awake.

Up till 2:30 a.m. doing homework. Have a paper outline to polish and a book to finish reading before class today.

This weekend's to-do list:
  • Research and write a 25-page paper on images of female power for my Cultural Studies class.
  • Write a 3-page paper on my poetic influences for my Poetry Workshop.
  • Revise five poems.
  • Attend several classmates' thesis readings.

I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.

Blogging will be scarce for the next week.


Tuesday, April 25, 2006

I come by it naturally!
Well, what do you know? Being a "night owl" may be in my genes. From the latest issue of the Montana Naturalist magazine:

"During the time of dinosaurs, all mammals were nocturnal. It wasn't until the extinction of the great reptiles that small fur-covered creatures felt safe being out during the day."



Saturday, April 22, 2006

Recent photos
Click on any photograph to see it bigger; to view more shots, go to my Flickr page.


Vancouver, B.C.
Vancouver, British Columbia

Chinese New Year Parade
Chinese New Year's Parade at the Mai Wah Noodle Company in Butte

Self-portrait in Butte
Self-portrait in Butte



Two steps forward, one step back
Except, sometimes it feels more like "One step forward, two steps back."

Today I finally got all of my files restored to my iBook, which was wiped clean a few weeks ago in a hard-drive crash and subsequent replacement. Fortunately, I had learned my lesson in a previous crash and was current on my backups. So I didn't lose any documents, music or photos, except for my iTunes playlists and iPhoto albums. (I thought I had them backed up, but apparently not ... or I just can't figure out how to restore them; in either case, I give up.)

I learned another valuable lesson in this crash -- CDs are a slow, painful way to restore from backups. I'm now in the market for an external hard drive. And, you know, I have so much spare time right now to spend on learning about capacity and write-speeds and what, exactly, makes a "portable" hard drive different from a regular hard drive. I mean, I only have a presentation to prepare for Thursday, a book and a few handouts to read and an annotated paper outline to prepare by Friday, and then a 25-page paper and a final project to turn in in a few weeks.

Suddenly, sleep and scrubbing mildewed grout have become extremely compelling tasks.


Skyline Sailing, revised
Here's the poem I read Thursday --

Skyline Sailing

After thousands of years,
These hills still rise like swells
Against decrepit shores.

Mountains depart valley
On a voyage toward skies
Shrouded gray.

Where I walk
Was once under a sea
Of ice and glacial silt.

Now there are only troughs --
Spring-fed, green
And limed.

Below, creeks and rivers
Of water
And asphalt.

Here, islands of weathered wood --
Rotting boxcars
Immobile homes.

Cattle and erratics dot the scape
Like small ships at the edge
Of the world.

At morning, chickadees cry warning
From the chokecherry trees
And deer periscope
Above undulating grasses.

Night, eyes become
Phosphorescent beacons.
Sirens and coyotes ring out
In glee.

In this cabin,
I am both anchored
And adrift,
An inconsequential vessel.

I look out through polished glass;
My tides ebb and churn.
These moorings could come loose
At any moment.

But these hills will go on
And on.


Wednesday, April 19, 2006

"Poetry for Lunch"
I and other members of my poetry workshop will be giving a public reading (my first!) tomorrow, Thursday, at noon in the Mansfield Library lobby. The lobby. Oh, God.

It's not a big deal, really. We're each reading two poems -- one our own, the other by a poet who has inspired us. I'll be reading a revision of my "Skyline Sailing," plus a poem by my very favorite writer in the whole wide world, Barbara Kingsolver.

I am a big fan of Barbara's fiction and essays, but although I had her book of poetry, "Another America," on my shelf, I hadn't read it in years. So I was pleased to discover in it, when I went looking recently, this poem that so complemented my own:

"Watershed"
By Barbara Kingsolver

Outside, coyotes wail
like orphaned children, the moon
their old tin photograph of home.
In other mountains like these, there is war.

Your eyes swim quick strokes
in sealed wet caves whose mouths
are tattooed with dreams. I wonder
if I'm there with you,
if, when your breath snags on acacia claws
and then pulls free, you are telling some truth
that could save us, that tomorrow will be
perfectly gone, a blueprint drawn on water.

Your sleep, and the coyotes
will quiet soon. The world might end
or begin. There are two good hours till dawn.

Insomnia was once the thief I hated,
tucking tomorrow's triumphs in his pockets.
But after these years I am easing myself out
of triumphant ambitions,
that bath has grown too cold.

I can lie here in the watershed
of your sleep, instead,
watching dreams pass under
the perfect ivory aquaduct of your bones.
Had I slept, it would only have been another hour
in which you were lost to me.
~



Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Eating and other modern perils
I am finding it increasingly difficult to walk down the aisles of the grocery store without feeling that I'm being poisoned.

I've been making a serious effort to eat healthier and lose a few pounds. I still believe it's possible to be big and beautiful, fat and fit, but I'd like to lighten the load a little, so to speak. I just want to be healthy and strong. So, I'm working with a dietitian and trying to cut way down on refined flours, refined sugars, fried foods, transfats and all the other no-no's.

It's not easy. Freakin' EVERYTHING has sugar in it. You know, I'm fine with sugar in chocolate, cookies and Lucky Charms. That's where it belongs. But I don't want sugar or, worse, high-fructose corn syrup, in my roasted chicken or garbanzo beans, OK? Recently I perused the cereal aisle at Safeway. Except for Shredded Wheat, sugar was the second ingredient on every single label -- even the ones whose fronts proclaimed "Lightly Sweetened" or "Just a touch of honey!"

Another unnecessary ingredient that's in EVERYTHING is whey. Breads, potato chips, sandwich meats, Fig Newtons. Whey is a cheap dairy byproduct that's added to foods to boost protein content and add a creamy flavor. That's fine, unless you're one of the millions of lactose-intolerant people in this country. Thank goodness for Fig Newmans.

Then there are all the other nasties -- hydrogenated oils, monosodium glutamate, nitrates, sulfites, artificial colors, artificial flavors, preservatives. Ugh. And that's just what's on the labels. Anything not certified organic probably contains herbicides, pesticides, antibiotics, growth hormones, irradiation or genetically modified organisms, but none of these are required on labels.

In an age when cancer, heart disease and diabetes are at all-time highs, why is it so hard to stop filling our grocery carts with all these poisons?

Sometimes I find the simple chore of feeding myself to be overwhelmingly difficult. Eating raises so many questions: Will this taste good? Will it satisfy me? Is it health-promoting? Can I afford it? Do I have time to prepare it? Time to clean up afterwards? Is the packaging recyclable or otherwise environmentally considerate? How were animals treated during its production? What about the farm workers? Is the producer socially and ethically responsible? (And lately: Will it get stuck in my braces?)

You just can't enjoy your meal if you think too much.

Tonight, needing fast, easy food, I hit the McDonald's drive-through. (Yeah, I know, I know. I read Fast Food Nation.) I tried one of the new Asian chicken salads. It was yummy. It came with Paul Newman's sesame-ginger dressing and had edamame on it. Green soybeans at McDonald's? McEdamame? Cool.

Probably GMO, but I don't want to know.


Sunday, April 16, 2006

Celebrate spring
Spring tulip, Missoula, Montana

Happy Eostre!


Saturday, April 15, 2006

Eggs-citement, eggs-haustion
As I have for the past several years, I spent today working at the Easter Eggstravaganza hosted by the University of Montana on the Oval's lawn. It was a typical Missoula April day -- drizzly and gray, but pretty with new green grass and the backdrop of Main Hall and Mount Sentinel. It takes a lot of work by a lot of people to prepare for the annual egg hunt, which is over in about five minutes. Watching hundreds of little kids sucking up candy and prize eggs like human vacuum cleaners is pretty impressive.

I was helping hand out prizes afterwards when a brown-haired, eight- or nine-year-old girl came up bearing a gold egg covered in Grizzly stickers. Her mom stood behind her. I could tell by their hopeful expressions that they knew it was something special, but they weren't quite sure what. "Wow," I said, "do you know what this means?" The brown-haired girl shook her head no. I cracked open the egg and held out the slip of paper it contained. "Read this," I said. She read: "You have won a special Grand Gold prize!" She looked at me. I told her: "You won a bicycle!" Her face exploded in a joyous grin. So did her mom's. When I lifted up the pretty bike with the purple streamers, they thanked me so genuinely that it made the day's work -- and my aching back and feet -- all worth it.


And now I'm going to curl up with my kitties, my heating pad and the movie, "Iris," about literary sensation Iris Murdoch. Seems like a good way to finish out a drizzly Saturday afternoon.

Friday, April 14, 2006

Bumpersticker du jour

Vegetarians taste better.





Don Gisselbeck in the news!
Locals' Favorite Bike Shop Plans Move (New West Network)


Wednesday, April 12, 2006

The merits of taking a break from the Internet
Bitterroot asked me a question in comments: I was very interested in your Internet hiatus. I've thought of doing this myself. ... Do you recommend this to others?!?!?

I thought my answer was worth a post:

I don't know about other people, but I am an Internet junkie. If the drug is around, I will use it to excess. It's hard for me to tear myself away -- I keep finding new and interesting things to read and explore. It's the nature of the Web, I guess. There's always something more around the corner. And as someone who has always loved to read and learn and discuss and debate, the Web is like a big playground for me. It's also a great distraction from all the stuff I'd rather avoid or procrastinate.

So, for me, taking an enforced break is very helpful in re-prioritizing my life and finding balance. My brain becomes calmer. I get more reading and projects done around the house. I go out for more walks. I get a much-needed break from all the news and nastiness in the world.

For the past two years, I've taken August "off" from the Internet. Now, I'm actually debating whether to take the entire summer off!


Monday, April 10, 2006

Montana Barbies now available
Via email forward, author unknown:

Kalispell Barbie: This modern day homemaker Barbie is available with a Mercedes 4WD SUV, a Prada handbag and matching Nike Yoga ensemble. She has a masters degree and double-majored, but has the luxury of being a stay-at-home mom with Ken's generous salary. Comes with Percocet prescription and Botox. Starbucks mug and traffic-jamming Blackberry internet/cell phone device sold separately. Husband Ken is into fishing, golfing, baseball and is often "working late." Available at all Seattle-area Starbucks retailers.

Bozeman Barbie: This princess Barbie is only sold at Nordstrom. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, your choice of a BMW convertible or Hummer H2 and a long-haired foreign lapdog named "Honey." Also available is her cookie-cutter development dream house. Available with or without tummy tuck, facelift, and breast augmentation. Workaholic, cheating husband, Ken, comes with a Porsche.

Butte Barbie: This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, switchblade, '78 El Camino with dark tinted windows, and a meth lab kit. This model is available only after dark and can only be purchased with cash - preferably small bills, unless you're a cop, then we don't know what you're talking about. Boyfriend Ken is in jail. Available at many pawn shops.

Great Falls Barbie: This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie comes with a pair of high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased Beer Gut Ken out of Auburn Barbie's trailer. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, strawberry lip gloss and a see-through halter top. Purchase her Mustang convertible separately and get a Confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free. Boyfriend Ken is in treatment. Available at Army Navy Surplus.

Havre Barbie: This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans 2 sizes too small, steel-toed cowboy boots, a classic Metallica 'T' shirt and a Tweety Bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has fake fingernails, a six pack of Budweiser, and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit over a distance of 6 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's ass when she is drunk. Also available is the gold-toned cubic zirconium ring that Ken gave her after another one of his "episodes" with his boss's daughter. Comes with Barbie's Dream Double Wide Trailer. Available at Wal-Mart.

Missoula Barbie: This Barbie is made out of recycled plastic and tofu. She has long straight brown hair, archless feet, hairy armpits, no make-up, and Birkenstocks with white socks. She does not want, or need, a Ken doll. If you purchase the optional Subaru wagon, you will receive a free rainbow flag sticker. Available at REI.

Helena Barbie: This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or removing snap on parts. Walks to work. Likes to "experiment," but will never commit. This model is being phased out and is only available from the manufacturer.


***

I resemble the Missoula Barbie more than I'd like. (I do shave my pits, though! And I would never wear white socks with my Birkenstocks! Black socks, maybe.) But I don't really "get" the Helena Barbie. Anyone? My best guess is that whoever wrote this little funny is from Helena -- and has a personal grudge!


Sunday, April 09, 2006

Bear with me just a little longer
Among other things, in the past week I've had a hard drive replaced on my seven-month-old computer, had a four-month-old tire replaced after it was destroyed by a nail, and had a horrible bout of stomach flu. It was a crazy week. I wrote a lengthy post to this effect Saturday morning on my Treo phone, only to see it vanish before it published to my blog.

Now I'm in the process of getting the new/old computer set up -- installing apps; restoring docs, photos and music from backups; and tweaking all my settings just so.

I'll be back eventually.


Monday, April 03, 2006

I'm back ... sort of
Well, I would be back online if my iBook weren't brain-dead. It died Saturday and I took it in for repair this morning. Sigh.

In the meantime, I'm plowing through 2,196 e-mails, blog posts and other feeds. Jeez, no wonder I can't get anything done.

Had a really nice, mellow week off. Naps, walks, Martha, reading, housecleaning. Life is good.


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