I haven't posted in almost a week! Did anyone notice?I didn't think so ....
Have you seen the T-shirt that says, "I publish intimate details of my life on the Internet, and I don't know why"? I want one.
Some big changes have been taking place in my life lately, and for some reason, I haven't felt overwhelmingly compelled to broadcast them on my blog. Until now, I guess.
I jokingly referred to my midlife crisis a few posts ago, in which I confessed my purchase of every Northern Exposure episode ever made.
I turned 40 on Sunday. Forty! How can this be? Although I've been preparing for it for more than a year, it still came as a shock. Kind of traumatic, actually. I don't see how I can be 40. I feel, maybe, about 30. And how can I possibly be 40 when I don't have a husband, a child or the perfect home? It's kind of like that saying: "I still have checks -- how can I be out of money?"
I'll spare you the details of the big ol' pity party I threw myself on the actual day. Suffice it to say that, while I was dreaming of breakfast in bed served up by some stud muffin, what I actually woke to was my cat puking in my bedroom. The day pretty much went downhill from there.
The one thing buoying my spirits through all this is my REAL midlife crisis -- although I prefer to think of it as an opportunity.
I'm quitting my job.
Yep. After a little over 10 years as a writer, editor and Web content manager at UM, I gave notice the Friday before last. I'm going to cash in my retirement account and use it to finance my first year of getting started as a writer. My last day is Jan. 4.
Since getting my MFA last May, I'd felt increasingly stuck and depressed -- unsure of which path to follow, what direction to take. I halfheartedly sent out a few resumes -- about three -- and just could not talk myself into the perfectly rational choice of moving out of state for a better-paying job. I couldn't work up any enthusiasm for it.
Although my current job isn't bad as far as jobs go, it doesn't pay enough to support my student loan payments (or the house I'd like to buy). Nor am I likely to find another job in the state that will pay enough. (That's a pretty common dilemma, by the way, for Montana students.) And besides, it's just not where I see myself in another 10 years.
I finally got into therapy -- I'm not ashamed to admit it -- and after a few angst-filled sessions, it became crystal-clear to me that the only thing I really wanted to do was work at home (with occasional travel) as a writer and editor. This is the path I've been on for the past 20 years. This is why I got my degrees in journalism and creative writing-nonfiction. I need to be a writer!
At exactly that same time, I remembered the nice chunk of change that's been building up in my UM retirement account. I did my research, and after taxes, penalties and health insurance, I'll have just enough to live on for a year.
It's a big, scary move -- a gamble, to be sure -- but it feels right. I'm going to finish my book, freelance articles for magazines, and do whatever editing and web content work comes along to fill in the gaps.
If I don't do it now, I never will.
I'm bustin' a move!
