Patia Stephens :: Missoula, Montana

For sale (or loan): Inversion table

I bought a LifeGear Inversion Table last March in the hopes that it would help ease my aching lower back. And it did! It still does. It provides a lovely full-body stretch, totally adjustable to any level from horizontal to completely vertical. (Ever wanted to hang upside down like a bat? Here's your chance!) It's sturdy, holds up to 300 pounds and has earned an average of 4.5+ stars in 131 Amazon customer reviews.

Only problem is, it's huge. And heavy. And awkward. It simply doesn't fit in my little cabin. I've been keeping in the closet at work, but now that I'm leaving, I need to get it out of there. It can be folded up and leaned against a wall, but unfolding it every time you want to use it is a hassle. It really needs to have its own room, or at least a corner of a room (or garage). In use, it takes up about as much floor space as a twin bed.

I wish I could keep it. But since I don't know when I'll be able to move to a bigger house, and I'm morally opposed to renting storage space, I'm forced to find a new home for it. So here's the deal: I'll sell it for $75, which is half what I paid for it -- and it's practically brand-new! and there's no assembly required! (I've done it for you.)

OR, I'll loan it at no charge to any of my responsible, reliable, nearby friends or acquaintances who are willing to let me in their homes to use it on occasion.

If you're interested, leave a comment. If I don't get any bites within the next day or so, I'll put it on Craig's List.

Christmas sunset on Rockaway Beach

Is it 2008 yet?

I don't know about you, but Christmas wore me out this year. I've been back home from my holiday travels for a few days, but have spent most of it in bed. I feel about as motivated as a fencepost. Maybe less.

I had a great time, though. I flew to Seattle to hang with my cousin Kat. We spent one night in Seattle, two nights at her place in Olympia, and Christmas Eve and Day at Rockaway Beach in Oregon. All of it was fabulous. Pictures here.

In Seattle, we stayed at the Moore Hotel, a nice, historic, no-frills place very close to the Pike Place Market. In Rockaway Beach, we stayed at a beachfront motel I've been to twice before, the Tradewinds Motel. Nothing fancy about this place, either, but it's clean, comfortable and right ON the beach. Our suite had a kitchenette, fireplace and balcony overlooking the ocean.

The ocean sustains, soothes and energizes me. I couldn't get enough. The sound of the waves crashing. The salt mist on my face. The infiniteness of the horizon.

I want more.

Much as I love Montana, I may someday end up on the coast. Someplace where the mountains meet the sea.

Our Christmas was low-key and lovely. We opened our stockings, which we'd hung by the fire the night before. Then presents. My favorites from Kat were a family painting -- an old Native American man painted by my great-uncle Ron, who died a month after I was born -- and a trip to Ikea to pick out the plates I've been wanting.

It was my first visit to Ikea, although I've been drooling over the catalog for a couple of years now. I'd found my dream dishes in the catalog a while ago, but they didn't ship. Kat's going to ship them for me; I hope they make it. They're perfect -- creamy off-white, old-fashioned but simple. They'll serve as a base for mix-and-match bowls and my Laurel Burch mugs.

Ikea was amazing, incredible, overwhelming. Whenever I finally get to buy my own home, I'm going to load up a moving truck and outfit the entire place there.

And I'll stock the pantry at Trader Joe's. I so wish we had a Trader Joe's in Missoula. (And, while I'm at it, a Jack in the Box.)

Anyway, that was my Christmas. How was yours?

Merry Christmas from Montana

Too busy to blog

I'm going to take a few days off.

Merry Christmas and Happy Solstice!

Have passport, will travel

Look what I got in the mail today!

I don't have any specific travel plans, but I want to be ready. After hearing so many nightmare stories about passports taking six weeks or more to get, I figured I should go ahead and get one, especially since they're now required for air travel to Canada and Mexico. Mine took less than two weeks, though.

I'm so excited! Now I just need some travel plans.

Moon Over Hellgate Canyon

Vigil, rally planned for homeless man

An announcement from the Jeannette Rankin Peace Center following the death of Forrest Clayton Salcido, a local homeless man who was murdered for no reason at all:

On Thursday, December 20th, a number of organizations, including JRPC, are coming together for two events to respond to this senseless murder. We hope you can join us at one or both:

5:30 p.m. -- Take Back the Bridge: Candlelight Vigil
California Street footbridge
Candles provided

6 p.m. -- We Are Missoula: Rally Against Violence
The Badlander Lounge, Ryman Street

I think I will try to go to the vigil. I didn't know Clay Salcido, but I am pained by his death, by the random brutality that permeates this community, this society, this world.

New friends

Meet Gleim and Charlie.

Gleim recently came to live with me after I found her at a holiday crafts fair at the Ceretana Gallery in Missoula. Gleim is named for a colorful figure in Missoula history. I think she is beautiful.

Charlie the pup is just visiting for a week. He is traveling around the country and reporting home to his friends in the fourth and fifth grade at Crestmont School in California. He's already been to Hawaii, Alaska and Washington. Charlie also has a sister named Paws who is traveling the world.

Charlie and Gleim are having a great time in Montana. Check out the Globetrotting Pups blog for more adventures!

It's beginning to look a lot like ...

Detail of a chandelier in the Mirage Hotel and Casino, Las Vegas.

Have I mentioned I'm a magazine junkie?

After seeing "No Country for Old Men" yesterday with Rebecca, I wandered over to Barnes and Noble to look for the special Martha Stewart "Good Things for the Home" issue that's supposedly on newsstands now. I didn't find it, but I did discover that an old favorite, Victoria magazine, has returned from the dead. What a lovely surprise. Victoria was a girly respite from city life when I lived in San Francisco during the late '80s and early '90s; I had drifted away but was still disappointed when it stopped publishing in 2003.

The new Victoria -- Volume 1, Issue 1 -- will be familiar to anyone who remembers the old one. Victorian but not stuffy, a little shabby, exquisitely eclectic -- beautiful photography, home decor, fashion, travel, food. There's a special feature on Alexandra Stoddard's writing retreat that I can't wait to read. I'll be resubscribing and I hope Victoria sticks around this time.

Victoria's return takes a little of the sting out of last week's announcement that another favorite, Martha Stewart's Blueprint, is folding. Geared toward a 20- and 30-something audience, Blueprint was the hippest, most stylish and practical magazine out there. (Domino is similar, but less realistic -- witness the $575 faux logs and sticks I wrote about earlier.) I especially loved Blueprint's real-life tips and tricks for DIY decorating, fashion and crafts -- things like how to repurpose old jewelry into something clever and fresh. RIP Blueprint -- I'll miss you.

Also at B&N, I bought the latest issue of BUST magazine, solely because there's a hot fat chick on the cover: the Gossip's Beth Ditto. I've bought BUST on and off over the years, but have felt increasingly alienated (read: old) by its hipper-than-thou content. However, I'm curious about Beth Ditto -- love her voice and attitude -- and delighted to support any rag that puts the spotlight on a Big Beautiful Woman. Magazines geared toward plus-sized women have come and gone over the years -- BBW, Radiance, Mode, Grace -- and there is a terrible dearth right now. The only one I'm aware of is Figure, which is basically a glorified clothing catalog for Lane Bryant and its sister big-girl stores. More than half of American women wear a size 14 or larger; with all the niche publications out there, you'd think there'd be one for us.

Other magazines I subscribe to: Martha Stewart Living (of course), O ("The Oprah Magazine"), Real Simple, Country Home and Body + Soul. I also occasionally pick up Sunset, Everyday Food and some of the Montana magazines at the newsstand. I need to resubscribe to Sunset, because I'd like to write for them. One of the first things I plan to do when I'm self-employed is go to the library and back to Barnes and Noble to spend several hours perusing magazines. Hey, it's research.

What are your favorite magazines?

Bumpersticker du jour

Life's short. Drive faster.

Yeah, I just made that one up. I was stuck behind a minivan going 35 in a 45 mph zone.

Lord, save me from the hell that is Reserve Street during the holidays.

NOT my best night's sleep

I checked into Missoula Sleep Medicine at 9 p.m. Thursday night for a sleep study, also known as a polysomnogram. I don't think I have sleep apnea or any other sleep disorders, but my doctor wanted to rule them out as a cause of my nighttime insomnia and daytime fatigue.

(Although, actually, the fatigue has been much better the past two months or so. I really think there's something to my self-diagnosis of adrenal fatigue. Allowing myself to rest and do less seems to have helped.)

After getting buzzed into the office building and filling out a bunch of paperwork, I was wired up like Frankenstein's bride. The tech used a thick, nasty, gluey wax and surgical tape to affix electrodes to my head, face, jaw, neck, chest, rib cage and legs, each with tiny, colored wires running to a small computer. He wrapped wide elastic straps around my chest and waist, attached a small heart monitor to my side, and clamped a pulse monitor to my left index finger.

I had him take a picture of me, but it's too hideous to share.

Then he told me to relax, flipped out the lights and went into the other room. His voice came over an intercom as he checked the connections by asking me to look up, down, left, right, pretend I was chewing a piece of gum, shake my left leg, shake my right leg. Then he said, "Have a good night" and left me to attempt sleep knowing that he was observing my every blink, twitch, sound and brain wave.

Fat chance.

I tossed and turned for a couple of hours, struggling to roll over and get comfortable while attached to dozens of wires. I finally managed to sleep in fits and starts. The tech came in once with a flashlight to reattach a wire I'd yanked loose. Another time he came over the intercom and asked me to try sleeping on my back for a while. (I usually sleep on my side and/or stomach.) He woke me at 6:30 a.m. and proceeded to pull off all the tape and gooey electrodes while I limply tried to cooperate. I checked out shortly after 7 a.m., brushed snow off my car under a streetlight, and drove home to shower.

The experience was surreal and awful, a bit like staying in a voyeuristic, slightly sadistic hotel -- although I can't fault the facility or the tech at all. The place was as clean and comfortable as it could be, and he was very nice and professional. He told me I'd snored just a little bit, definitely breathed better on my side than on my back, and probably got more sleep than I thought. I have a follow-up appointment with the doctor next week to get the full results.

I came home after work last night and crashed hard, never so grateful for my own bed and snuggly kitties.

Tiny icicles

Are your ducks in a row?

I'm on my way to an appointment this morning when I discover traffic on Broadway is backed up for several blocks in both directions. Uh-oh, I think -- accident. We got maybe an inch of snow overnight and the roads were messy. Somebody plowed into somebody.

Rubbernecking, though, I discover it isn't an accident after all. It's a long line of ducks, crossing Broadway single file from the river side to the other side. Traffic is completely halted while 30 or 40 mallard ducks resolutely waddle across the busy street.

Can't help but smile at that.

So this is what 40 looks like

I'm driving to work, exactly 7 miles an hour over the speed limit, stereo blasting, pounding my fist in the air, singing along to the Ramones:

Put me in a wheelchair,
Get me on a plane,
Hurry, hurry, hurry,
Before I go insane.

BAM, BAM, BAM, bam,
I wanna be sedated!

And not giving one damn about how silly I probably look.

Scientific basis for crazy cat ladies? Puh-lease.

A coworker sent me (and the other "crazy cat lady" in the office) this New York Times Magazine story today: 'Cat Lady' Condundrum, The. (What the hell kind of headline is that, anyway?)

Maybe I'm a little defensive. Yes, I'm 40, single, female and I have two cats -- but that doesn't make me crazy, OK?

I'm surprised the NYT would publish such an unsubstantiated theory. I mean, they admit there's no evidence, so how do they come up with the idea that cats eat people? I think that's pretty extreme. Sure, maybe a domestic house cat snacks on a dead human once in a while out of starvation and desperation, but I don't believe for one second that our pets are waiting for us to die so that they can eat us.

Furthermore:

What is "an unhealthful attraction to cats," exactly?
Doesn't everyone become immune to smells they are around frequently?
Why is it only "crazy cat ladies," and not "crazy cat men"?

Bright lights, big city

Why

Because sometimes I have so much to say I cannot speak at all.

Because sometimes it hurts so much I can only smile.

Because sometimes I am so alone I cannot be with anyone.

Because sometimes I am so empty I choke on it.

Because sometimes there is so much to do I cannot even begin.

Because sometimes I am so tired I cannot stop.

Because sometimes it is so good I cannot stand it.

Because sometimes I want so much to stay I have to run away.

Revised 12/9/07

Winter sunset

Bumpersticker du jour

Isis, Isis
Ra Ra Ra

What happens in Vegas ...

What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, but I will share some of it with you -- including pictures! -- just as soon as I've had a chance to unpack and get caught up at work.

I went for a conference, by the way, so it wasn't all play. But I had a good time.

2008 Montana Calendars for sale!!!

I've opened up a storefront on Lulu.com, where you can purchase my 2008 Montana Calendar, as well as fine art prints of each of the photographs included in the calendar.

(You can see larger versions of all of the images here on Flickr.)

Lulu will print and ship the items to you, and I will earn a portion of the proceeds from each sale.

Get your calendars now!

Christmas is coming! :-)

Yummy breakfast idea

It's a little odd, but I thought I'd share one of my favorite breakfast (or anytime, really) meals with you:

Safeway Select chicken and pork potstickers with scrambled eggs and soy sauce.

Mmmm, so good.

5 Things: Special Work Edition

5 Things I Will Miss Least About My Day Job

Feeling rushed and inadequate every day because I'm often late. I always stay late to make up for it, but I'm just not a morning person. Nor do I understand why most of the world is. Why on earth would people choose to get out of bed before dawn every morning?
Driving in circles looking for parking. I probably spend an average of 20 minutes a day hunting for a parking space. Anyone want to do the math on how much that adds up to in a year? (I don't.)
The noise. You'd think a university campus would be a quiet, peaceful environment, wouldn't you? Well, it is -- except for the lawnmowers, leafblowers, snowblowers, idling delivery trucks, buses, car alarms, car stereos, sirens, barking dogs, car alarms, ringing phones, loud voices in the hallway AND marching band practice.
Campus politics. One friend described the university environment as a fiefdom. He was so right. While we fight over limited resources and visibility for ourselves, our departments and our constituencies, we sometimes tend to forget that we are all working for the University -- and ultimately, the students and a better society.
Stress. Need I say more?

5 Things I Will Miss Most About My Day Job
(besides the regular paycheck, of course)

My office. I have my own office. It's decorated exactly how I like it. It's tidy and charming and has two windows with a nice view of Mount Jumbo. It also has a far more ergonomic setup than I have at home.
My boss' and coworkers' silly senses of humor.
Structure. Although I often resent it, I also know that structure keeps me productive and sane. I have already planned out a structured work-at-home schedule. The only problem is that I'm the only one I'll have to answer to.
The Food Zoo. Unlike a lot of institutional cafeterias, UM's is really, really good. There's a ton of choices, great salad bars and both healthy and unhealthy (i.e., yummy!) options. And the Commuter Meal Plan is a great deal.
The beauty of campus. It's really a pretty place.

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