Patia Stephens :: Missoula, Montana

Oh, this is rich

I just got a "wink" on Large Friends from a joem1975 in Missoula who is married and looking for "casual dating" and "activity partners." No picture. Here's what he writes:

32, 6'4", 205#, length: 7", girth: above average. I am married to a woman that doesn't take care of herself, physically. but that is not the problem, the sex is dull. we have sex about 3x a week but it is all the same position. I want more and she knows it but won't do anything about it. I am sexually unsatisfied and am looking for better. What about you? tell me your story. oh and write back.

Ugh.

Technology and time management for free spirits, I mean, agents

After being without my Treo (phone/modem/calendar/to-do list/address book/lifeline) for the better part of five days, I finally got up and running with a replacement last night. I didn't realize until it died Friday how incredibly dependent I am now that it is both my phone and Internet modem. But I still feel that it's my best option, as the land line up here is ancient and slow and I have no other high-speed Internet alternatives. At least I'm only a short drive from a couple of cafes with free Wi-Fi. And in a pinch, there's always smoke signals.

Just kidding.

Of course, now I'm spending lots of time ~~goofing off~~ catching up on everything I missed while I was off the grid. Phone calls, email, news and blogs .... It's amazing, really, how projects expand to fill the time allotted. I am no longer going to an office every day, but it seems I still have plenty of appointments, errands and social obligations taking up large chunks of each day. I haven't had more than two entire days in a row at home since I left my job. It's starting to drive me slightly crazy.

I know. I shouldn't whine. I can see you playing the tiny violin strings right now.

My house is looking less like a hurricane went through, as I've made progress decluttering and organizing. I'm also making headway on my to-read piles of books and magazines. However, the pile of receipts, bills and paperwork on my desk/dining table is still a foot high -- and that is procrastination right there, pure and simple.

I'm wasting less time on personals sites -- what an exercise in futility that is -- but now I'm working with an Etsy designer to design a custom purse just for me. (See this Flickr discussion thread if you want to torture yourself with the details of my efforts to find the perfect purse.)

And I'm getting slightly more exercise, having been to the Women's Club a couple times recently and cross country skiing with Rebecca on Saturdays. We're going to try snowshoeing this weekend.

My social life seems to have exploded recently. Here I was afraid I would be left all alone in my little cabin on the hill, but au contraire, everyone wants to go to lunch, dinner, coffee, drinks, hiking, skiing. Still no love life, but where would I fit it in?

Writing and freelancing, you ask? Well, I'll tell you about that next time. Right now I need to go get a couple of seriously overdue invoices typed up and sent off.

Toodles.

Quick update

My Treo died Friday, so I'm without phone and Internet at home until its replacement arrives in the mail -- hopefully tomorrow -- and I get it set up.

Bear with me.

Winter moon

Martin Luther King Jr.'s 6 Principles of Nonviolence

Nonviolence is a way of life for courageous people.
Nonviolence seeks to win friendship and understanding.
Nonviolence seeks to defeat injustice, not people.
Nonviolence holds that suffering can educate and transform.
Nonviolence chooses love instead of hate.
Nonviolence believes that the universe is on the side of justice.

I don't know about you, but I sure needed this reminder.

Winter on the Bitterroot

Can I go back to bed now?

So far this morning, I've gotten a Flickr message from a gay man asking if I'm a lesbian, and a Match.com "wink" from a 50-year-old, 5'3" man in a baseball cap and giant aviator glasses.

Depressing.

Brace yourself

Frigid air coming our way (Missoulian)

Damn, damn, damn.

It's spring somewhere

Floozy wanted

Ha ha ha, I just found this personal ad on Craig's List:

Looking for a Floozy - 64

64yo Billings Man is looking for a old time Floozy. Your only requirements are to be happy with life. Let's visit.

~

Oh, yeah.

I am a nutjob magnet

I swore off personal ads years ago after one too many bad experiences, but turning 40 got the best of me. For the past few weeks, I've been goofing around with personals on Match.com and OKCupid. I hate the fact that my body clock is running out, but I would really like to have a family in this lifetime, so here I am. Ugh.

So far I've gotten "winks" and "woos" from a few dweeby guys who live in, like, Michigan and Maryland -- despite the fact that my profile says I'm looking for someone within 600 miles. (I figure a day's drive for a first date is doable, if not exactly convenient.)

The one local guy who's "winked" at me is 5'5" -- even though I specified someone at least my height, 5'7". (Is that asking so much? I don't mean to discriminate, but I already feel like a giantess ....)

Then, apparently I answered some questions on OKCupid wrong, because now all my quick match candidates seem to be married, bisexual and/or polyamorous. (Uh, NO!)

My top match on OKCupid is this guy in the pink and yellow. Seriously. According to OKCupid's statistical algorhythms, we are: "90% Match / 84% Friend / 0% Enemy." The good news, I suppose, is that he's straight.

Then, this morning, I logged on to find a message on Match.com from a guy named Alvin in Illinois. Here's part of it:

Hello Angel
How are you doing today..I hope everything is going well with you...I was searching for my soulmate then i saw your profile very gorgoeus and i decided to drop by and take
a look very well to be more sure of it...Well honestly your profile really match my matched I will love to know you better and see how its works...well I'm 44 years old single
for two years old now i do have a duaghter of 9 years that live with me ful time shes my whole world there is no day that goes by that i am not amaze by her she is my little Angel and i will want you to be my Big Angel..lol...am a very.Tallented man.Am 6'1 tall and got a good weight...Who I'd like to meet:I did like to meet just any Lady with good sense of humour that fears humanity and knows what she wants ,someone who has a real good behaviours and
presentable.

Multiply that times five and you'll get an idea of the entire thing. No paragraphs. Is it so much to ask for paragraphs?

And "fears humanity"? Wha ...?

Look, I know I'm not exactly a beauty queen, but don't I deserve better than this? I mean, I'm smart, I'm reasonably interesting, I bathe daily.

My friends tell me I'll find my guy when I stop looking. I'm sure they're right, but ... I don't want to wake up one day when I'm 50 or 60 and go, "Damn! I forgot to get married!"

However, if this keeps up, I will stop looking. A girl can only take so much.

Charlie's Montana adventure

The latest adventures of Charlie, the class pup from California, are online at Globetrotting Pups. Check out the photos of him with an elk, a bear and a mountain lion (and yours truly)!

And be sure to leave a comment for the kids! (One of them, Aiden, is my best friend's son.)

Random round-up from my inbox

I'm performing triage on my email inbox. Here are a couple of things I've been meaning to blog.

~

From "The Next Generation of Online Shorthand" (New York Times):

Why should the convenience of online shorthand be the province of teenagers and twentysomethings? There ought to be a list that we, their parents and employers, can use, too.

And now there is:
WIWYA -- when I was your age
YKT -- you kids today
CRRE -- conversation required; remove earbuds
WDO? -- what are you doing online?
NIWYM -- no idea what you mean
NCK -- not a chance, kid
B2W -- back to work
AYD? -- are you drunk?
LODH -- log off, do homework
DYMK? -- does your mother know?

~

From Jessie Sherburne of the Montana Natural History Center, answering a question I'd asked about bear hibernation:

A little known fact about bears is that they actually don't hibernate. Hibernation causes a drastic drop in body temperature and it becomes very difficult for the animal to rouse itself until the weather warms in the spring. An example of a true hibernator is the ground squirrel. It begins hibernation in early fall and does not wake up until the spring. If you were to find a hibernating ground squirrel and touch it, it would be like a popsicle.

A bear's body experiences what is known as torpor. This is when the body temperature is reduced slightly and their bodily functions slow down in order to save energy. Torpor is a less extreme state than that of hibernation. If, for example, the weather warms up in December and there is plenty of food available the bear will awaken from the torpor and roam about refueling its energy supply. Then if the weather cools again in January, the bear will return to the state of torpor until the weather again becomes favorable.

~

Extremely naughty and definitely NSFW, but hilarious: The uncensored version of Saturday Night Live's "Dick in a Box," with Justin Timberlake and Andy Samberg.

Bumpersticker du jour

Destined to become an old woman with no regrets.

Glacial Lake Missoula update

I went to the Glacial Lake Missoula chapter meeting tonight. We met at the Missoula airport to check out the GLM map in the new terminal. Apparently the architect (from Colorado?) was inspired by the story of GLM and the resulting Ice Age Floods that traveled across four states all the way to the Pacific Ocean. It's a pretty cool map, although it's easy to miss as you focus on getting through security.

Bills to create the Ice Age Floods National Geologic Trail have passed both the U.S. House and Senate, and were re-introduced in the last session of Congress. However, it looks unlikely that they will be addressed in the current session, and will probably need to be re-introduced in next year's Congress.* For reasons I don't entirely understand, Montana's senators, Max Baucus and Jon Tester, have thus far failed to take a leadership role on this bill. What's the problem, guys?

Links:

Ice Age Floods Institute
National Park Service's Ice Age Floods Study of Alternatives and Environmental Assessment
Sedimental Journey A story I wrote several years ago about my trip along the floods path.

*1/11/08 -- Edited for clarity.

Day 3 of self-employment and I'm already behind

Journal 1/8/08
Frustrated. First week of self-employment. Obligations every day. Phone calls, emails. Nonstop. Go away. Leave me alone.

But not too alone.

~

I realized last night that I had scheduled appointments or meetings every single day this week. It's messing up my attempts to establish a new routine. As always, writing and exercise get shoved to the back burner, when they should be my top priorities.

It's my own fault. I really need to set boundaries and protect my time. I need to learn to say "no" to meetings and social events. It's hard when they are all things I want to do. But I can't do everything I want -- I have to focus on my priorities.

I should probably cut myself some slack until I get the hang of this.

In the meantime, please bear with me while I try to catch up on my life -- paperwork, correspondence, email, finding room in my 400-square-foot house for all the stuff from my office -- and settle into my new routine.

The How Easily You'd Become A Vampire Test

Your Score: Easy Prey

Your chance of successfully becoming a vampire is 70% .

You're the "easy prey" that vampires are always talking about; you have some sense in your head, but when the fangs hit the skin, you won't put up much resistance. You should expect a relatively easy change of lifestyle. Assuming you don't make a silly mistake, you should expect better than even odds of becoming a long-standing member of the Legions of Darkness. Just watch out for wooden chairs, water balloons filled with holy water, and garlic pizzas. And the sun, of course. You might want to team up with someone who scored 80 or higher to improve your chances- then again, you might find yourself as their snack.

The How Easily You'd Become A Vampire Test written by alex_delar on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test .

~

In other vampire-related news, I just achieved the rank of Vampire Jedi on Facebook. My goal: Vampire Goddess.

Watch your neck!

Now available for freelance assignments

Someone just asked what kind of freelance work I'm looking for. My response, in part:

I'm interested in writing feature stories on a variety of topics -- pretty much anything except sports and hardcore science and politics. My favorite topics are arts, culture, history, travel and how-to's. Glacial Lake Missoula is a passion. I've also done a lot of profiles. I'm working on a memoir, and I'd like to write more personal essays.

Partial list of my published writing here.

I'm also available for editing work. I'm extremely familiar with AP Style and somewhat familiar with Chicago Style. I led a major edit of UM's Style Guide a few years ago.

More editing examples here.

Then there's web content. I'm an experienced blogger and comfortable with various social networking tools and web content management systems. My web design skills are limited to WYSIWYG and very basic HTML and CSS, but I'm practiced at things like email newsletter layout, working with Dreamweaver templates and editing photos for web.

Web design examples here.

Now I have to get to work on my own site redesign!

My first camera review: Olympus SP-560 UZ

I've started doing some writing and editing work for PhotographyREVIEW.com. My first camera review went live on the site today; it's the Olympus SP-560 UZ, which I was fairly impressed with.

In addition to writing the review, I shot all of the photos that accompany it (except for the studio and product shots). It's been fun to get to use a camera that's nicer than my own! Unfortunately, now I have to send it back ....

Haystack Rock

I feel like a ship that's just been launched

Yesterday -- my last day at my desk job of 10-plus years -- was amazing.

First, in the midst of cleaning out my office, training people and tying up loose ends, I was taken out to a lovely lunch by my boss and coworkers. They were so incredibly generous with gifts, kind words and written sentiments, I was moved almost to tears.

Then, I gathered with friends and colleagues at The Depot for a drink to celebrate the close of one chapter of my life and the beginning of another. I was absolutely astounded by how many people showed up to wish me well. We were such a big crowd, we had to move together four tables to all fit -- I think there were 20 or 25 people. Really, I was blown away and more than a bit embarrassed. I guess that's what I get for spamming everyone in my email address book.

I didn't do anything for my 40th birthday in November because I felt too lonely to foist my miserable self on anyone. I certainly didn't think anyone would come if I threw myself a birthday party. So yesterday's support and encouragement and gifts and hugs just meant the world to me.

Wow, you guys like me. You really like me.

Thank you.

Photo Essay: First Night Peace Sign

The Jeannette Rankin Peace Center sponsors the lighting of a luminaria peace sign each year in downtown Missoula's Caras Park.

Kids decorated bags ahead of time at the peace center.

I volunteered for two hours this year (and last year) to keep the candles lit and help people set out their own candles.

Despite the cold temperatures, it was truly heartwarming to see how many people turned out to light a candle for peace.

NOT Resolutions: A 2008 To-Do List

In 2006, I resolved to exercise 30 minutes a day. Didn't happen.

In 2007, I resolved to do 10 things, three of which I actually succeeded at (finished my thesis and got my MFA, quit drinking diet Coke and kept fresh flowers in the house). I was also pretty good about doing only one major blog post a week.

For 2008, I'm not going to make any resolutions. I'm not going to set myself up for failure this year. However, I love the idea of resolutions -- declaring intent, getting aligned with positive energy, making promises to oneself and the world.

And seeing as how this New Year practically coincides with my 40th birthday and embarking on a MAJOR life change (only three days left! La la la!), I'm going to make a To-Do List for 2008. I love lists, and a To-Do List exerts pressure without the binding, shame-inducing nature of New Year's resolutions. I'll try to get it all done, but if I don't, I'll just move unfinished business onto the next year's list.

This actually started a couple years ago as a "Someday I Will" category on my Palm, combined with a more recent "Things To Do When I'm Self-Employed" list in my notebook. (I've also been compiling lists with titles like "Daily Routine," "Story Ideas" and "Friends and Resources." This writing endeavor won't fail for lack of lists, that's for sure!)

Without further ado, my 2008 To-Do List:

Write every day
Pitch articles and essays to magazines
Read, read, read
Redesign my website
Exercise every day (walks, hikes, swimming, yoga ....)
Climb mountains
No computer until I'm dressed every morning
Start each day by reading a few inspirational passages
Watch Martha Stewart every weekday (Go ahead. Laugh. The woman makes a lot more money than you.)
Watch Oprah once in a while -- check schedule for topics (See above.)
Listen to more public radio
Catch up, and stay caught up, on paperwork
Catch up, and stay caught up, on email
Declutter and organize everything in my house
Don't buy any new clothes or shoes unless I really need them
Have a social life
Become a regular at a cafe
Travel somewhere outside of the North American continent
Go on road trips in Montana
Go to Yellowstone
Go to the bird migration at Freezeout Lake
Go to conferences and workshops
Master the art of packing lightly
Carry fewer things in my purse
Cook more -- try out new recipes
Learn to roast a perfect chicken (and variations)
Learn to use my crockpot better
Perfect my chicken and dumplings recipe
Bake more -- especially pies, muffins and cookies (and give most of them away)
Study French
Study Latin roots
Study iconography
Study architectural styles
Spend more time at the library
Spend more time in museums and galleries
Continue and organize genealogy research
Create a "dream home" binder
Mod-Podge and paint old trunk
Decoupage dressing table
Make homemade gifts for next Christmas
Learn to force bulbs

Happy New Year!

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